As the Pendulum Swings

Today, I was unpacking some new 2006 calendars that came in for my department, and among the selection was a wall calendar entitled "Men Are Like." It showcased such charming words of wisdom as "Men Are Like Shrubberies: every few months you need to cut them down to size!" or "Men Are Like $100 Bills: the first thing you need to do is change them!"

I happen to take offense at this. Now, I'm not just feeling insulted because I'm a guy myself. I believe in judging people based on their individual merits, not on their gender or upbringing or culture or the color of their hair/skin/toenail polish. For example, there's a Chinese restaurant in town whose mascot, appearing in gigantic three-dimensional plaster on the top of the building, is this pot-bellied, slanted-eyed caricature of a human being. He offends me every time I see him, and I'm not even Chinese. Anyway, my point is that I don't think it's especially civil to poke fun at any collective group of people, with the possible exception of used car salesmen.

What I find interesting, though, is that even though America has worked hard to create a semblance of ethnic and racial equality in society (I defy you to find me one Wal-Mart newspaper flier or McDonald's television commercial that doesn't showcase people of every conceivable color under the sun), the gender balance seems to have shifted significantly off-kilter. What I'm saying here is that if I were to publish a calendar with choice words of wisdom such as, "Women Are Like vacuum Cleaners: the best ones suck whenever you want them to!" the public outrage would be phenomenal. (Just so we're clear, I don't hold that viewpoint at all. Isn't it interesting, though, how you were mildly amused by the "Men Are Like" calendar page, but deeply offended by a similar, if slightly more risque, "Women Are Like" entry? Why is that, I wonder? Come to think of it, I can't think of any other single group of people that it would be considered okay for publishers to openly deride. Can you imagine the public reaction to a "Blacks Are Like" calendar or a "Cripples Are Like" calendar?)

At what point did male-bashing become politically correct?

Another example I've seen recently is a naughty little birthday card in which a muscular guy, ostensibly nude, is pictured on the front along with the text, "We've asked this sexy stud to write you a tiny little note wishing you a happy birthday." Inside the card, the guy is holding up a ridiculously huge "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" message, covering up all of his naughty bits and then some, with the added text, "Why can't men follow simple directions?"

Now, I won't argue at all with the fact that women have been treated wrongfully in the past. Not being permitted to vote, not being allowed to own land or property, forced by social convention to essentially serve their husbands as obedient slaves and shunned by the general populace if they hadn't entered into servitude shortly after coming of age... not to mention the old and tired jokes about dumb blondes and women drivers.

I will say that I don't believe in equality, at least, not as most people seem to define it. No matter how much some people wish it were otherwise, the simple, biological truth is that there are physiological differences between men and women. They have different brain chemistry, different hormones, different anatomy. You simply can't expect total equality between two genders who are by definition different from one another. I understand, of course, that women who desire equality aren't actually lobbying for stand-up urinals in their public restrooms, but rather are seeking the right to work the same jobs as men, the right to earn the same salary, that sort of thing. (As long as we're on the subject, though, I'd like to know when employers will start offering paternity leave as part of the benefits package. But I digress.)

Here's another one I saw recently. I came across a wedding cake topper, but rather than the traditional bride and groom standing side by side, or in a passionate embrace, or something similarly traditional, this one had the bride strutting off, dragging the husband along behind her by the shirt collar. Do you think this bride respects him as an individual, or regards him as little more than "shrubbery" and desperately needing to be cut down to size? (I suspect that if the roles were reversed, and the cake topper depicted a groom who was dragging his beautiful wife by the hair, it would be recalled from Wal-Mart store shelves so fast it would make your head spin.)

I've heard a few of the counter-arguments regarding all this, and to some extend I can see where they're coming from. Some might point out that women have been so badly mistreated for so long that the contemporary role-reversal is inevitable. I've also heard people say that the negative stereotyping of women is alive and well, and that they continue to be denigrated and misrepresented and trivialized by motion pictures and television and pornography. I've also been told by a very close female friend, for whom I have a great deal of respect, that perhaps I shouldn't be offended by the stereotypes that don't actually apply to me personally.

I tend to think that saying nothing about this phenomenon is the same as accepting it, though. I don't think that women or men should be denigrated by the opposite gender. Yes, we have our differences. Yes, I suppose that serves as excellent raw material for making snide little remarks, should you happen to be primarily motivated by making fun of anything you don't fully understand.

There's a lady outside who's trimming the bushes outside my building. For some reason, I really want to go out there and ask her to just leave the damn shrubbery alone.